lola's blog

Some of you maybe know, that my son is 13 years old, has HFA, besides that, he has social and generalized anxiety, OCD and sensory problems. What is interesting to me, is that on paper, he is behind, below average in almost everything, but, the way he is thinking and verbalizing things, is very deep and intelegent. His questions usually about life and his future, like  he is worried, because of problems with cursive writing, if he can write check , when he is older, dealing and understanding credit cards, if he will have a job, what he will do, if my husband and I not around any more? My husband works a lot of nights, so he is worried, if something bad will happened to my husband.He always tells me, that when he is rude, that he doesn't mean to and that he loves me.His only interest and really obsession about action figures, but he knows, that  allot of kids not in to it, so to be friends with him, will be boring for some one.He is constantly rearranging furniture in his room, cleaning and dusting all the time. I wish there was away to get inside of his head and see thinks from his prospective.

 Few years ago, when i started all of this with my son, I was unfamiliar with school policies, rules or my rights. I was totally on my own and very much was taken advantage by school administrated. first of all, some parents think, if there child is behaved good or not struggling academically, he doesn't need school services, some parents are very afraid of the ;label'. usually parents who have small kids and the social problems in school, dosen't feel so bad. maybe there kids have some friends , still being invited to birthday parties. my son was there to, but unfortunately when kids get older so is social problems and anxiety's for our children to feed in, this is why, IEP services should be in place, maybe for aid to watch your child at lunch time or going class to class{I am talking about middle school}, maybe he needs resource class, where there is assistance and couple of kids, maybe he needs psychologist in school to talk about issues,maybe he needs special ed class.

,  When I  had my son, 13 years ago, like any parent, the only thing i saw is a beautiful, perfect  baby. I wish, then, i had  knowledge that i have now. When my son was born ,until 2 years old, he didn't sleep, unless he was rocked. he was very fearful of loud  noises. He didn't use the bathroom until he was almost 5 years old. Every time i asked his  pediatrician, she would say, ;there is nothing wrong with him'. My son didn't ' like pretend games, was hiding, when some one would come to the house,would pull back, when children try to play with him. He was DX at 9 years old, only because of the depression he developed., so much time was wasted. My son wears summer cloth all year long, he  eats very specific  food, he keeps the hitter or  fan  on all the time for nose. When he is working on making customs for his action figures, the sound on TV is off. For  along time, when we would go to the restaurant , we had to bring some thing to put  under his butt for him to be comfortable.

My son is 13 years old now, he has HFA. sense he was 9 years old, it's been rollercoaster ride. He is going trough puberty now, he has so many different emotions, that lately he became depressed and more aggressive.The situation was getting worse by the minute, so I had to put my feelings a side, seek help from his psychiatrict and put him on meds  This mothers day for me was the best, because after couple of years not going any where, my son joined us for brunch, he was  nerves at first, but after awhile he ate and had conversation with every one in the family. Second great thing for me, after a long time, me and my son  been taking walks again, the way we use to when he was younger. So, more  and more I am realizing to be grateful for small things. Having a child with special needs, you really do as a parent, celebrate small progresses and never taking  anything for granted.

  WHEN MY SON WAS BORN, IN MY EYES HE WAS PERFECT LITTLE BOY. HE STARTED WALKING AT 12 MONTH OLD, HE WAS SAYING FEW WORDS BY THE TIME HE WAS 15 MONTH OLD. WHEN HE WAS ABOUT 3, PEOPLE COULDN'T  UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WAS SAYING, HE WAS AFRAID OF TOYS WITH NOISES, HAD TO TAKE BUTTERIES OUT, HE DIDN'T SLEEP FIRST TWO YEARS, EXCEPT FOR ROCKING HIM ALL THE TIME. WAS VERY AFRAID OF PEOPLE YELLING, LOUD NOISES, KIDS BEING AGGRESSIVE, DIDN'T USE THE BATHROOM UNTIL  HE WAS ALMOST FIVE. THE PEDIATRICIAN WOULD SAY, ;THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM'.  WHEN WE WHERE AT  THE PLAY GROUND ONE DAY, THERE WAS   LADY  WITH HER CHILD, WATCHING MY SON BEING AFRAID TO GET CLOSE TO OTHER KIDS, SHE SAID, ;YOUR SON WILL HAVE A HARD TIME IN SCHOOL, I WAS IN SHOCK AND VERY ANGRY AT HER SAYING THIS TO ME. IT BECAME VERY OBVIOUS, THAT SHE WAS RIGHT, BY THE 3 GRADE. DON'T LISTEN TO OTHERS SAYING THERE  IS NOTHING WRONG, BELIEF  IN  YOUR INSTINCT, EVEN WHEN YOUR HUSBAND OR PARTNER WILL BE IN  DENIAL, YOU DO YOUR OWN INVESTIGATION, FIND THE RIGHT DOCTOR. FORGET ABOUT YOUR BELIEFS, YOUR FEARS, WHEN IT COMES TO  GIVING YOUR CHILD MEDICATION, BECAUSE SOME TIMES THERE IS NO OTHER CHOICE.

  when my son was little in  elementary school, life for him was so much easier. the kids where sweat and innocent, there was no differences between them. my son was invited to birthday party's, play dates, he had couple of good friends and we socialized with moms to. after a while, by the fifth grade, the situation changed, the kids started making fun of my son, do to him not having good social skills and getting  social cues, he was taking advantage of, by them blaming my son for what ever happened on the play ground at reassess. parents started  noticing  some  corks in my son and stopped encouraging there children to be friends with my son and little by little, my son was isolated by  them. with starting the new  middle school and new neighborhood  , my son had hope for better situation and he started good, even that he was very nerves .

 I am from California. the situation hear with public schools and special need kids is very bad. if you are lucky to get IEP, it is only a beginning  of the fight.  IEP will offer very minimum they  can for services for your child. if you do not do your own homework and request things in writing, your child will suffer. asking for aid,;no money', special aid class, kids with behavior problems witch gives your child much more anxiety then he all ready has. lunch time, no one is watching your child, so there is the time for bulling happening or your child totally a lone. what about, when principal  says, that it is your child fault, that he has no friends, ;he is not trying'. teacher is telling you, is long is your child not disrupting the class, he can just seat hear ; no big deal'. when you tell the   teacher, who doesn't know anything about autism, that your child can't do oral report, he has anxiety, the teacher still makes your child do it. asking for evaluation, is a big headache and when it is done, still not  is deep is your child problems are, then you need to request, independent evaluation, witch the district has to pay for it.

<p>&nbsp;Do you remember your life before finding out about your child DX?. my husband and i, used to love going to concerts, movies, dinners, going out to parties. After getting the DX, little by little the life changes and it becomes all about your child, how to help, psycatrict, medications, social skills groups and how to fight with public schools for services. after a while you start making excuses about invitations, less friends, family is at loss for words how to help or what to say and after time, you do not remember your life before DX. but you do have to take care of your self, because your child depends on you so much, that remembering who you are is very important to stay&nbsp; strong. . it is o.k. to grieve for the dreams you had about the child you wanted, to get angry, to blame doctors, even your husband.

<p>when my son was little, intil &nbsp;10 years old, he was sweat, kind, shy, very affectionate boy. now he is 13, going trough puberty, hair is every where, voice is&nbsp; changing so is his emotions. he is very good about expressing him self, he is missing being &nbsp;a baby, in his mine life was easy, less stressful . i do agree with that, he understood less about being different, kids where still sweat and innocent. now, he says, when &nbsp;he gets angry, it is like coming from his insides and he can&#39;t control it, he always fees&nbsp; bad after it is done, angry with him self, for not controlling &nbsp;his emotions and his words. he is very confused about kids&nbsp; being happy and playing, because he doesn&#39;t know how to do that. he is very concern about his future, if he will ever be happy. he feels being grown up is&nbsp; easyer &nbsp;, then his age. he knows he needs education, but feels like he can learn more from outside of school, prefers to be by him self, then being friends with some one who is borings in his opinion.

I always considered my self being a strong woman, but watching my son suffering, sometimes is more then i can take. My son is a very smart and deep young man, the questions that he has been asking me, breaks my heart. Why am i so unhappy? But the kids outside are always smiling and having fun? Will I ever have a good life? Of course, I always tell him. You will be happy. But do I believe this? I am not sure. There is nothing in the world worse than seeing your child in pain.