I am often reminded of the lack of awareness some people have with their attitudes towards the behaviours and symptoms of autistic children and the relationship of these behaviours and symptoms to the style of ‘parenting’ they receive.  I’m sure most (if not all) parents with autistic children have at some point in time been on the receiving end of disapproving comments and 'tips' - often from people who have little understanding of autism, and no thought for the hurt that they cause the parents. I’ve spent the day pondering the whole ‘parenting and autism’ thing. Parenting style (or for that matter what some people consider ’lack of’ parenting) is simply not the cause of autism, and will in no way ‘bring on’ an autism spectrum disorder. Sadly though, an autism spectrum disorder (and the behaviours and challenges that an ASD brings with it) may cause many parents to question their ability to effectively parent (and unfortunately the parents’ questioning of their own attributes can be escalated by the attitudes of those around them). Even after a diagnosis, and when people are aware of a child’s autism spectrum disorder, many family members and friends will still link the child’s behaviours back to the parenting.  Speaking from personal experience, an autism spectrum disorder can place a great deal of strain on social relationships. An autistic child’s behaviour will often have to be continually explained to others, and a parent’s social interactions may be continually interupted and challenged. But for many parents, social contact may drop off not only because it all becomes too hard to manage the child’s needs in a social environment, but also because of the scrutiny that they come under in regard to their parenting skills. Parents often find themselves subject to criticism (whether it is intended as ‘well meaning’ or not) and sadly, a lack of understanding in regard to what they do and how they ‘manage’.  read more »

My husband had an afternoon out with the kids recently - one diagnosed autistic, one neurotypical - although with the afternoon he had, I think it was difficult to pick which was which!!!

The following is a snippet of the post he wrote on our blog, detailing the events of the afternoon:

"Can we go to the pool Dad... please?..."

How can you say no to that….?

Well, that’s what I thought anyway - This will be easy, a quick trip to the pool to wear them out and then enjoy a peaceful afternoon at home.

I told my wife that we were off to the pool, and she gave me that “are you completely insane?” look, but then proceeded to pack the kids bags in record time and wave ever so sweetly as we drove down the street. Looking back this should have been my first clue……….

We arrive at the Pool, and get a park right out the front (first win to me!). The kids unload themselves, and charge into the building determined to beat each other into the water. I run after them, stopping only to pick up the 3 toddlers, 2 grandmothers, and 1 mother that had rather selfishly got in between my kids and the water!

After apologising to all involved, I make my way over to the attendant to pay the entry fee. I explained that my kids were already on the way to the pool and I needed to pay for them. I pointed them out, just in time for the attendant to witness the 2 of them doing “blowfish’s” on the beautiful clean windows for all to see! He then gave me another one of those “are you completely insane?” looks and passed on my receipt. In hindsight, this should have been clue number 2…….

Continued... (http://managingautism.com/uncategorized/can-we-go-to-the-pool-dad-please)

Recently I attended an Autism Workshop with Donna Williams and I have to say it was fantastic. Donna had many wonderful ideas and strategies on dealing with different aspects of autism, addressing issues and problems in a way that I had never really heard before. Her thoughts and ideas were so practical and user friendly, to the point where I was able to come home and try out some new strategies straight away.

Donna talked about the ‘Fruit Salad Model’ of Autism. She noted that whilst most people understand that every case of autism is different, people also need to realise that we can’t address or treat the difficulties of autism with a ‘one size fits all’ approach.

During the afternoon I took many notes (which I am now still making sense of, but will eventually be able to put into a format that is understandable) and really had my eyes opened to different ways of tackling problems.

Donna talked a lot about finding the right way to work with different personality types..........

As any parent with a child who has autism would understand, it can be nightmarish facing the real world where there is often harsh judgement and a lack of understanding. For myself, it is often an effort to ‘face the world’ and the safety of home is very comforting..........

(Rest of my thoughts on the workshop at http://managingautism.com/autism-spectrum-disorder/donna-williams-autism-workshop)

Elissa :-)

We're posting a series of people's favourite videos raising awareness of autism, and celebrating what we love about autism. It's an opportunity to share what's important to families and people living with autism.

We would love to hear from anyone who has something to contribute, or perhaps who is just wanting to watch some really heartfelt messages. Please click here on this link, and then leave your message and link to the video in any of the comments areas. We look forward to you joining us in our celebrating and raising awareness of autism.

Elissa :-)

After a really hectic couple of weeks preparing our son, who has autism, for his transition to school next year, we decided to have a weekend break.  So we have just returned, feeling refreshed, and ready to go again.

We have found one of the most challenging things to deal with in relation to our son’s autism spectrum disorder, has been trying to make our way through what sometimes seems a never ending list of specialists to see, therapies to organise, and strategies to implement.

After we had our son’s official diagnosis confirmed, we emotionally ‘fell in a heap’ (so to speak).  The months of assessment had really taken their toll and the relief at finally having an answer was quite overwhelming.  Probably like many parents who have travelled the long and difficult road to diagnosis, we found ourselves thinking that once we’d got that far, the hard bit was done.  But of course, it was only really beginning.

After the Diagnosis the challenges really begin…

Social settings can be a nightmare for people with autism. I had this reinforced for me recently during an afternoon with my son in an 'unfamiliar social setting'.  There were times when he literally stopped in total confusion over what was going on around him.

Words, gestures and looks can be totally overwhelming. Thankfully there was the opportunity to pull him aside and try to explain some of the goings on - and we survived the afternoon without a meltdown.

Understanding language from a literal sense also impacts on the ability to cope and stay on top of things in social settings (more on this here http://www.managingautism.com). It is often worth stopping and thinking about the language and gestures we use in our communication and considering the impact on the people in our lives who have autism.

At times I used to find it difficult to explain properly to my husband exactly what life could be like on a daily basis at home with our son (a 5 year old with an autism spectrum disorder).  It's not that I couldn't find the words, but it's more that it's one of those things that you really have to experience for yourself.

That was until recently... a few weeks ago my husband spent a weekend on his own caring for our 2 children whilst I had a 'break' and went to stay with family.

Whilst I was away, he took over the posting on our blog www.managingautism.com and gave the lowdown on the happenings of the weekend.  All I can say is, I'm really glad I wasn't aware of what was happening until I returned home.  I would have probably cut short my time away and returned home to rescue him!

It did him good to have time on his own with the children, and overall, he managed really well - and learned quite a few lessons in the process!!

The only problem is, the next time I decide to have a weekend away, the story's of this recent weekend will be lurking in the back of my mind.

We have been really busy lately 'practicing' social situations with our son who has Aspergers.  We have found that roleplaying has been a really good way of allowing him to explore different social settings and the various ways that he might respond (and the natural consequences that come with each response, of course).  Roleplaying is a very 'forgiving' way of learning social behaviours.  More about this topic on our personal blog http://www.managingautism.com.

Our son struggles to cope with many social settings so this has been a really beneficial thing for us to do as a family.  Hopefully as we 'practice' more and more he will become more comfortable with the social environment.

Hello, we are new to the 'Online Autism Community'. We have had the privilege of spending a number of weeks reading and enjoying blog posts from other community members and decided it was time to join ourselves.

Our son has been diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder, and whilst coping with the turmoil of adjusting to life with 'the diagnosis' we have spent a great deal of time researching and learning as much about autism as we can.  We share a lot of our story as well as our tips and advice on coping with autism on our blog http://www.managingautism.com.

Autism is an important part of our lives and we look forward to being a part of this community and learning from others as well as sharing ourselves.