If you're not watching NBC's new drama Parenthood yet, head over to Hulu.com and catch up on both the Pilot episode and Man Vs Possum.

Tuesday night's episode, especially, showed a great portrayal of a set of cure-side parents vs a neurodiversity-side therapist.  The cure side parents were high strung, and it showed in their parenting (keeping a color-coded card catalog of resources, doing whatever they could to avoid teaching coping skills or understanding their son, who was going nuts in the background- I would too if I had such pushy parents).   The neurodiversity-side therapist on the other hand, when handing down the official diagnosis, was quick to point out the positives and try to give some hope, but also gave the best piece of advice I've heard yet for parents of a special needs kid:  "Enter into his world, learn what he's about.  Find his talents and polish them.  Then when HE is ready, you lead him out into the real world". 

It's not entirely in the format I'd like to see, but this series of anonymous interviews in this PDF file are hands down the absolute best advice I've seen from actual adult autistics to parents and teachers of young autistics.

http://rainbowsunited.org/user/file/Things%20You%20wished%20adults%20know.pdf

On slashdot today, there was an article about why programmers are often not paid what they are worth, along with this comment about Larry Wall's Virtues of a Programmer.   

 It struck me this might be instructive for parents of autistics, so here's my four marks of a great autistic software engineer (with apologies to Larry):

 1.  Lazyness- quite often autistic people are accused of this one, for the same reason Larry's great programmers are.  In reality, we're just looking for the most efficient way to get things done without wearing ourselves out; social interaction is so hard and tiring, why should we waste our energy on anything less?

 2.  Impatience- just try to talk to your kid about his latest obsession when you haven't spent as many hours as he has studying it....and you'll really know the meaning of the word impatience.  In computers, though, this means that we don't like bugs and seek to eradicate errors.   Or at least, minimize their effects.

3.  Hubris- yep, us programmers have a tendency to be on the neurodiversity side of things, or in the words of one person on alt.support.autism in the old Usenet days- we have Addams Family Syndrome.  WE ARE NORMAL, IT IS THE REST OF THE WORLD THAT IS WEIRD FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO DO WHAT WE DO.

4.  OCD.  Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder.  Here I leave Larry and his neurotypical engineers behind- The best programs written by autistic programmers will never ship, because we'll never be satisfied that they are complete.  Takes a good manager to work around this problem. 

In the interview I linked to in the news story I just posted, Ari brought up an interesting idea:  The autie as a *Changeling*- a fairy child, left to replace a child stolen by the Fey.

 That's a very interesting idea to me- you see the same kind of wrong imagery in the latest Autism Speaks campaign of the child being "stolen" by autism.

 I've had a fascination with such interesting explanations for mythology since reading a series in Isaac Asimov's Science Fiction Magazine explaining dragons as crocodiles, and unicorns as rhinoceros.

 Can anybody point to other myths that might have been about auties and aspies? 

To the Sponsors, Donors and Supporters of Autism Speaks:

We, the undersigned organizations representing self advocates, parents, professionals and allies in the Autism, Autistic and Disability Communities, are writing to you to express our concern about the recent actions of Autism Speaks. Our work is about helping empower and support people with disabilities of all kinds, including adults and youth on the autism spectrum, and we recognize that there are a wide variety of means towards accomplishing this goal. Yet, Autism Speaks’ recent choice to use fear, stigma, misinformation and prejudice against Autistic people as a fundraising tool does real damage to people with disabilities everywhere. The most recent example of this lack of ethics can be found in Autism Speaks’ new “I am Autism” campaign which states, “I am autism...I know where you live...I work faster than pediatric AIDS, cancer and diabetes combined. And if you're happily married, I will make sure that your marriage fails. Your money will fall into my hands and I will bankrupt you for my own self-gain...I will make it virtually impossible for your family to easily attend a temple, birthday party, or public park without a struggle, without embarrassment, without pain...I am autism. I have no interest in right or wrong. I derive great pleasure out of your loneliness."

This video seems to say it all- for both sides:

http://www.koinlocal6.com/content/mediacenter/default.aspx?videoId=12383@koin.dayport.com&navCatId=156

 I actually like the quote from the Autism Speaks mother:

"We're going to beat it, ultimately".

 I think that's the center of the problem right there.  Many autistic adults still remember a time when sitmming behavior was responded to with beatings and electroshock treatment.  

 The end of the original video has the quote:

"Autism, are you listening?"

 Well, I am autism, I am autistic, and I hear you loud and clear- your message of eugenics is right there plain for all to see.  The real question should be "Autism Speaks, are you listening to the pain you're putting your sons and daughters through by wishing that they were out of your life?" 

No wonder they're trying hard-hitting and insulting adverts- <a href="http://www.notautismspeaks.tk/">this website did an investigative report into where the money goes</a>, and even for those on the extreme cure side, they're doing a terrible job.  More money last year went to executive salaries than to "research".  And as we've all seen, their outreach program is little more than pablum for the parent who doesn't want an autistic child.

In the world of autism, parents wishing for a cure often end up insulting their children and the 50% of autistic people who are highly functioning enough to care. This press release comes from ASAN, and includes the comments of autistic bloggers in response to the latest lies from Autism Speaks:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Autistic Community Condemns Autism Speaks' "I am Autism" Campaign

"We are the true voices of Autism," say Autistic adults; Campaign spreads stigma, prejudice and inaccurate information; ASAN vows protest of upcoming Autism Speaks fundraisers

Washington, DC (September 23rd, 2009) - The autism community reacted in horror today to Autism Speaks' new "I am Autism" campaign, presenting Autistic people as kidnap victims and burdens on their family members and communities.

This is partially inspired by my faith, partially inspired by what I've seen in comparing autistic kids raised by two heterosexual parents vs one parent or two same sex parents, and partially inspired by http://www.newssun.com/news/0807-ct-Lanier This article linked to previously.

 Two lines in this article is a frightening idea to any autistic being raised by NT parents:   

There are treatments that can help, but Pam Lanier pulled no punches. "Autism is not for the faint of heart," she said.

"It's not a secret to say that the divorce rate is high (among families of ASD children), especially when you don't understand (the disorder)," added Jim Lanier. 

 I just want to urge *any* parent of an autistic spectrum child who is seeing the stress pull their marriage apart, to think twice, three times, a hundred times, seventy times seven times, before cursing your autistic child with divorce.

Here's why- even in the best of circumstances, with NT parents and NT children, divorce brings change.  In the case of split custody, or even mere visitation schedules, continuing change that will occur throughout the child's life.  Different rules, different houses, different bedtimes, different meal times, different smells, different landscaping, different bedroom design, the list goes on and on.  read more »

I've only just figured this out about myself, but my largest value that affects my religion and politics is a hatred of change.  It occurs to me that many meltdowns in church for the young can be mediated simply by choosing a sect that is highly liturgical/traditional, so that the service is predictable and doesn't change much from week to week.  I also notice that much of my conservativism, and what one neurodiversity group called outright bigotry, also stems from this lack of a willingness to accept change.  Even my favorite  form of economics- local capitalist distributism- is about finding a local utopia and doing whatever it takes to keep it an utopia.

 Anybody else notice how autism has affected your beliefs and poltics?