3/3/08

I TOOK COLBY AND THE GIRLS TO THE PARK TODAY AFTER SCHOOL. THERE WERE LOTS OF KIDS THERE. I WAS NERVOUS ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO WATCH HIM CLOSELY, AND WAS SCARED THAT HE WOULD HURT ANOTHER CHILD. INSTEAD, HE DID THE OPPOSITE. COLBY DIDN’T INTERACT WITH ANY OTHER CHLDREN. HE ACTED AS IF THEY WEREN’T EVEN THERE, JUST WALKING PAST, ALMOST OBLIVIOUS TO THE COMMOTION.  HE WOULD RUN FROM EQUIPMENT PIECE TO PIECE AND NOT PLAY. HE WOULD STAND, STARE INTO SPACE AND TALK TO HIMSELF. WHEN SPOKEN TO, HE WOULD ACKNOWLEDGE ME, THOUGH VERY FLAT AND AS IF HE JUST WOKE UP. HE WOULD IGNORE CHILDREN THAT SPOKE TO HIM. HE WOULD RUN OVER ANYONE IN HIS WAY, AS IF THEY DIDN’T EXIST, NEVER EVEN NOTICING THAT HE TOUCHED OR HURT SOMEONE.

I HEARD SEVERAL PARENTS COMMENT ABOUT HIM, AND THEY WERE NASTY TO ME.  ONE MOTHER MADE HER CHILDREN GET OFF THE TEETER TOTTER WHEN COLBY GOT ON. THAT WAS SO FRUSTRATING – JUDGING WITHOUT A CLUE OF HIS REALITY. I WANTED TO ASK HER IF HER CHILDREN WERE PERFECT, SINCE SHE WAS SO CRITICAL OF MINE.  BUT, I CARRIED FORTH, CHOOSING NOT TO STOOP TO HER LEVEL AND ATTEMPTED TO ENGAGE HIM IN PLAY WITH ME. HE WAS EXCITED BY THAT, AND WE PLAYED 3 ROUNDS OF HIDE AND SEEK BEFORE HIS WANDERING MIND PREVENTED MORE. WE HAD BEEN THERE LONG ENOUGH AND IT WAS TIME TO COME HOME.

TODAY WAS DISHEARTENING. COLBY HAS REGRESSED AND I’M SO SCARED HE’LL GET BACK TO THAT SHELL OF A CHILD THAT COULD BARELY FUNCTION.

HE IS BETTER SINCE HIS DOSE DECREASE (ALL OF THOSE THINGS HAVE MOSTLY RESOLVED), BUT HIS BEHAVIOR IS WORSENING.I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT AFTER HE SEE’S SHAWNA TOMORROW, AND SHE TELLS US HIS ORAL TONE HAS IMPROVED, THAT WE CAN SLOWLY RETURN TO AN INCREASED DOSE OF RISPERDAL. IT’S SO OBVIOUS THAT THE MORE MEDICINE, THE MORE “NORMAL’ HE IS, BUT THE SIDE EEFECTS ARE PREVENING THAT AT THIS TIME.