Hi all.
My son is just about to get diagnosed with Autism at four. It has taken so long for lots of reasons which I won't bore you all with.
I am sure thought that the experience is much the same for us all. Feeling that something is not right, but not wanting to believe, and being reassured by so many that he is fine and pushing the worries back in your mind. Trying to make him interested in this that other much littler kids naturally love. Like ball sports (Dex will just let the ball hit him in the face and laugh) and of course the not talking... strangers on the street trying to talk to him and getting no response ask what's wrong with him? Feeling defiant and agnry that there is nothing wrong with your son. Then trying to justify why he is freakin out from to many experiences- too many people. Trying to take in good humour that you do discipline your son, that he isn't molly coddled. You aren't just over protective when you won't let him out of your sight (knowing that he doesn't respond to his name, and won't come back when you call).
On the one hand I feel like I can finally say see it's him there is something wrong with him, on the other I don't feel like anything is wrong with him. He may not be like other children but he has a great sense of humour, is a cuddly little fellow and so cute.
I also feel that if I wasn't such a great mother (of course I lose my temper, get grumpy and don't clean as much as I should) he wouldn't be a great as he is. I indulge him, protect him, soothe him and love him to bits, I do discipline him but not for being upset, or for not being able to do things.
I am a single mum and have been his whole life. His father had an affair which I found out about the day I found out I was pregnant. So he has never had a father in his life. At times it has been a struggle but also we are a strong unit my son, daughter and I.
Now I have to move forward and have strength. I am religious and I believe that God gives the special children to those who can rise to the challenge. Not that I haven't shed some tears.
Anyway I am an artist and Autistic children are visual little people, so who better to have an autistic child.
Thanks for being there.
Wow Sara, It seems like you
Wow Sara,
It seems like you have had a challenging couple of years. I commend you for finding the strength to continue. I am also a single mom of two children. My husband left when I was pregnant with my second son. So I know where you are coming from. I understand how difficult it is just to do the daily living stuff.
I am currently taking a class on autism and have found the information very valuable. I am sure that with your son's diagnosis you have been learning a lot about the spectrum too. I wanted to let you know that it is okay to make mistakes. It is going to happen, so don't beat yourself up too much about it. Find things for your family to do together, things that your son enjoys. I am not sure where your son is on the spectrum but I bet he has interests that you can tap into to get him to open up. Let your son's teacher know what works for you and have the teacher tell you what works for them. Open communication with his teachers and therapists will be essential in your son's treatment.
Hope this advice works. Good Luck.
Thanks to everyone who
Thanks to everyone who commented.
I'm still kind of in the denial stage but getting there.
It's scary seeing echoes of your child in literature and the problems a lot of you mums experience. It's hard to believe some of these issues may be in my future.
Years ago I had to record the responses of parents of children with disabilities at a service evaluation workshop. The level of frustration and at times desperation of these parents has stuck with me all these years. When basic needs services aren't being provided and exhausted parents are left doing everything. Their heart ache.
Well it's a lot to come to terms with. I have noticed some of you haven't had a diagnosis and so can't access services, well that just sucks. I don't know what services we will need or how to get them yet, but time will tell.
Yet I also feel so blessed I have two great children.
I agree. Reading all the
I agree. Reading all the various bits and pieces of literature that has be put "out there" about autism can be one of the scariest things and can invoke a really strong "flight or fight" response in us moms. Our voices often ring with a unique sort of "frustrated desperation" that can be really hard for "outsiders" (people who are not parents of a child with a disability) to understand. However, I've also experience tremendous special joys in raising my son, and I feel truly blessed.
Denial is a phase we all go through. It passes. Resignation or acceptance is another phase that comes - and passes. Appreciation for the experiences shared over a lifetime tinged with a sense of real accomplishment is the "phase" that comes with time. It is a good place to be.
Welcome Sara. You're
Welcome Sara. You're description of what you are feeling about your son's impending diagnosis seems very familiar to me. Although it feels like yesterday, it is exactly how I felt about 17 years ago when my own son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. Confusion, fear for the future, beating ourselves up, and pressuring ourselves to be "super parent" are familiar bedfellows for many of us. My own son's diagnosis took almost two years (maybe even more) to get, so your situation in that respect may not be as unusual as you might think. I have always sensed that the professionals working with my son may have waited to make the diagnosis final until they felt that I could handle it. Even with the delay, though, I still fell into a serious depression when the diagnosis finally confirmed what I thought were my worst suspicions. According to the stats, parents of children with autism or other ASD's are far more prone than others to become depressed, so in a way, this is a "normal" reaction. Be ready for it, so that you can work your way through it.
The reality is that there is still a wonderful future ahead of you AND your son. My son's own success in learning and adapting to his condition in order to live a complete, full and independent life is testament to that reality. There are many, many tears you will cry, but there are also many, many happy things that you will teach your son and that your son will teach you along the way. Your journey through life with your son may not be the one you expected to take and you have certainly been thrust onto "the road less travelled by." However, you are certainly not alone on that road. We are all on that road too; and more importantly, your son is on that road right beside you - and, as the poem by Robert Frost implies, in the end, that will make "all the difference."
Welcome to our little blog
Welcome to our little blog community! How wonderful that you are an artist! We have a couple of other artists and crafts people here, like Shootingstars who does digital art and likes photography. I like art, but it takes me ages to finish projects unless someone really cracks the whip.
Welcome to the group. I know
Welcome to the group. I know you're new and I would make this longer but Im headed to bed. Mama needs
her rest. My attitude is my son is special & not just because he's special needs. He is funny, and loving and
unpredictable. Im a good mom. Raising a child with autism will make you a better person. It will make you
realize you are stronger than you ever thought you were. And you will never stop worrying, thats just the
way it is. By the way Im in San Antoio Tx yee haw!!