This is what our family is working on right now and we have had some success. You have to be an advocate to get the ball rolling but once you do reach out you’ll be able to read a book or just relax for an hour or two. The following techniques are what we have tried.

Step 1
Check with your school who are they with most of the day? I went to my daughter’s special ed teacher and asked if she could recommend anyone for her to play with at home.

Step 2
Get a list of about 3-6 kids make a little card to send to school or just send your phone number. We made a little business card inviting the friend to call and play. I let the teacher know I was sending them so she could help distribute.

Step 3
Encourage your child to get the other kids phone numbers. (and bring them home!) Then arrange a time to play. I had my daughter ask one of the girls what she was doing on the weekend. So we knew if she would be home or not to bother calling.

Step 4
Invite and arrange a play time with the other family. We kept the time to 2 hours and at our home to start with. Once the kids are more comfortable you can have longer times and go on some outings.

Step 5
Plan the play time with your child. I asked my daughter what she wanted to do when her friend comes over. We made a list of things she liked to do and that she would enjoy doing with a friend. This helps your child keep things entertaining for the friend so they don’t get bored. It was important to teach our daughter to be flexible too if the friend has other ideas take turns doing what each other wants to do. (This took some time, Maddie got a little rigid with the list)

Step 6
Plan a snack, our daughter is having fun coming up with fun snacks to share with friends. Smores in the microwave, apples and peanut butter, freezes, chips and dips. She likes to have tea parties with these snacks.

Step 7
Interact with the friend your self play a game with the kids once in awhile or ask about their home or interests. But stay away as much as possible. I go up to my room and shut the door and leave them be unless I hear things getting out of control.

Step 8
Don’t over invite the other child. We had to make sure we had a good list of kids to call on because we would get “stuck” on one kid and one routine and then the kids wouldn’t come back.

Other kids enjoy being with our daughter it’s usually a lot of fun with all the special toys and activities ASD kids have on hand! We have taken kids to the movies, skating, dirt bike trail, swimming and out to eat. It’s really fun to see your kids interact with typical friends as well as autistic kids.

Setting Limits with Autistic Kids

Discipline is important for any kid I call it setting limits. All kids need to know what they can and can’t do. This becomes tricky with kids on the autism spectrum. What behaviors do you punish? Does your child understand the limits? What I have found works pretty well for our family is setting up agreements.

For instance if you shower and get your bed made you may have a friend over. She is being stubborn and not wanting to shower. That’s just fine she won’t be able to have a friend over. It’s her choice. This gives her a chance to take care of herself, what does she want and how can she get it. You have to be ok with her choice though and stick to your guns about no friends. This can be hard too.

Another way we set limits is by having a clear set of family rules to live by this guides us overall. Things come up and rules are broken but there is a penalty for that. Usually we take breaks if rules are broken. If someone is pestering and not respecting others we have a quiet place for each child to go and be alone to relax and think. Our daughter likes to go up to our bedroom, she draws or plays on the computer or watches TV. When she has cooled down she typically will come back to the group in a better frame of mind. She has been able to do this on her own now. When she has a hard time and can’t stop pestering we will say “find something to do on your own”. It has taken awhile to get to this but it’s great when they can regulate themselves and understand their behavior affects others.

We are teaching our autistic daughter to set limits for herself with our guidance and support.