I have never blogged before. I may never blog again after this one but I have decided that it is a healthy way to voice frustrations which may otherwise lay dormant within. Being a parent of a child with autism can be a lonely experience - I am not sure if anyone else has ever felt this? Maybe it is just me? Is it not boring for others to hear the real answer to the throw away question "How are things?"? I find myself saying "fine" even when things are not fine, when I feel like crying or screaming. The thing is, parents of so-called Neurotypical children just don't want to hear about your day surrounded by poo smearing or tantrums. I know I wouldn't want to. So who do I tell?
I have found that friends with NT children have dwindled as my son gets older and his disability becomes more apparant and now he has moved to a special need unit attached to a mainstream school the other side of town, his limited number of friends has dwindled still further. Now don't get me wrong, I have friends, good friends but none of them know how I feel inside. I sometimes think if I started to explain my frustrations, my concerns it would be like opening the floodgates. I have accepted Sam's autism and in fact I embrace it as part of who he is but with the joy there is also the fear of what the future holds. I am happy in the here and now but please don't ask me about next year or ten years time!
Anyway, enough I think for my first blog. I hope to perhaps give my poor hubby a break and voice my worries here! I am sure he will be only too happy to have a little peace to watch Liverpool!!
Hello and welcome. You
Hello and welcome. You did a great job with this post.
You really DO need someone to talk to about your innermost feelings. You mentioned that you have some really good friends. I thing you should pick one of them and open up.
I have ONE friend that I tell absolutely everything. We laugh together, a lot, and when I need....she lets me cry and becomes my voice of reason. EVERY triumph I have with Trinity.....she helps me celebrate. Most of this is done over the phone as she lives 5 hours away. If you are blessed to have just ONE friend like this... you are truly blessed.
You might be surprised....sometimes, friends are reluctant to ask questions. Lets face it....if they don't have direct contact with special needs children, they don't KNOW what your life is really like, unless you tell them.
In the mean time......you can vent all your frustrations here...there are some good listeners. Have a blessed day!
Great first post. It
Great first post. It sounds like to me you have 2 different issues rolled in here.
1. Fear of what the future holds for your child, etc. This involves a lot of WHAT IF questions. WHAT IF i die, who will care for my child? What if this happens? What if they don't do that?
Just my two cents, but the kinds of questions asked above get you no where. You need to be asking yourself "What can I do right now to help secure my child's future? Special Needs Trusts, Savings or Insurance, document your wishes, etc. You cannot fix the future now. Instead of worrying about it, just keep asking, What Can I Do to Make This Situation Better???
2. A real friend wants to know about your life. You might be surprised if you opened up to a couple of your really good friends. Don't drop a nuke on them right off. Just say, "you know that parents of kids with autism are under MAJOR stress and by god, that's the case with me" You don't have to give every little detail. Just give the overview. I would just outright say, the #1 thing that parents of kids with Autism need is support. You might be surprised. I woudn't use it as a bitchfest to tell every thing you have to deal with. You're right, no one wants to hear that. Talk about your feelings in dealing with autism and things that you can do to make it better.
This is a mind game and you have the power to decide not to be controlled by your circumstances. Your attitude towards those circumnstance is what really matters.
Fielding J. Hurst
http://autismparents.net
http://autismretort.com
Hopefully not your last. :
Hopefully not your last. : )
I'm sure you'll find others here who are going thru the same thing, who will listen and might be able to offer advice.
Welcome to the group.
Well first of all welcome =)
Well first of all welcome =) and no you're not alone. My son is non verbal. I have him
home with my while my husband works. Every day is a challenge. I found this site awhile
ago. Im glad you found us. I could have easily written what you just wrote, it was like
you've read my mind.