I find myself mindlessly googling "autism" at random times throughout the day.
I've seen the same google results page at least 300 times. I don't know why I keep doing this. Kaden is still the same little boy who I love and cherish endlessly. My thoughts are consumed with questions about his future. I can't stand this factor of the unknown. I can't stand hearing people talk about how bright and gifted and wonderful their children are. I can't focus on anything but this anymore- it is like I'm in a state of obsessive oblivion.
Autism is for the rest of his life- the rest of our lives. The magnitude of forever just doesn't sit well with me.
I need some better coping skills, although typing it out on a blog is better than holding it in. Well, in my eyes anyway. I can only talk about it in a generic sense without getting too in-depth because then I just cry and I hate the feeling of hopelessness that overcomes me.
I suppose healing will take time.