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Perseverence, What's New?

WyattsMom's picture
Posted May 20th, 2008 by WyattsMom

Hi!  I suppose I could have private-messaged you, but I didn't think you'd mind if I asked you about something in your profile.  You said your son might move out soon for some independent living.  How's that going?  How are you preparing?   What's the timeline?  Any hurdles?

Right now, paying the rents

Perseverence's picture
On May 20th, 2008 Perseverence says:

Right now, paying the rents in our area is his biggest hurdle (although making him realize that fact is also difficult).  We're trying to get him to save up a little more before he moves out and we are looking for a reliable roomate so that if an issue comes up there is someone there to help him deal with it.

As a mom, I'm really having a hard time "letting go" and secretly hope I have a year yet (but I doubt it - he would like it to be next week).  So far, though, we avoided setting a definite schedule... He also needs his own vehicle first... and  how many more times we can find faults with the ones he test drives?... maybe I could take up "tire slashing" as a hobby to keep him home longer...80}  Unfortunately, I know it would be wrong to keep him at home forever - he's worked so hard to get to this point, he does need to take it to the next level.

Ironically, his adaptations to his autism have been so amazing, I'm finding that now he seems to be considered "too able" to qualify for the special needs housing programs I am aware of (and there are too many others on the list with greater needs to hold out much hope for a space anyway).  "Falling through the cracks" has always been his middle name - but my name's not PerseverAnce for nothing!

Would he qualify for HUD

shootingstars's picture
On May 21st, 2008 shootingstars says:

Would he qualify for HUD housing. I know that around here they have jobs and such for people wth a few special considerations, and if they cannot earn much they are permitted to live in income based apartments. My best friend and Michael's god mommy has an older brother who was in a horrid car accident. He is functioning, but only by a miracle. He was predicted to die several times and then to be paralized. He has brain damage. Over all he is alot like an Autistic person who has a few problems processing information and such. But he works at a place and it is enough that with his disability he can actualy afford a regular apartment that everything is included in the rent, so only one bill to pay.

Actually I would move to those apartments if I had the money, and of course it would be small but a balconey and dish washer. But the doors are all inside it is a dodecagon and it is sliding glass doors to enter the apartment. And I could see Michael opeing the curtain exposing my mess or in embarrassing pjs to everyone. And they are tiny...

I'm not sure they are in the

WyattsMom's picture
On May 21st, 2008 WyattsMom says:

I'm not sure they are in the U.S. so there would be no H.U.D. in that case.

Please don't hold it against

Perseverence's picture
On May 21st, 2008 Perseverence says:

Please don't hold it against me but, yes, I am Canadian, although my family roots are in the U.S.

We do have public housing similar to HUD here (at least that's my impression) but they do have waiting lists currently.  My son's needs combined with the stability of his current living arrangement (i.e. home) pose some limitations.  Most civil servant types seem to scratch their heads at us for wanting to explore the route.  Likewise,  I want to be careful about which particular "project" he would get into and I am still reluctant to see him just in a place all alone.

The "college" kid route seems to me to be the best option (i.e. finding a roommate or two or three and splitting the rent on a privately owned place).  Easier for the kids that got through school with a large group of friends to be sure, but probably do-able if we just keep at it long enough.

A good group home with some assistance for special needs would be my second best choice, but there seem to be fewer of these available than I originally anticipated - and generally he is considered "too able" for them.  Something in between would be perfect -  but I haven't found anything like that yet here.

Oh CAN a da.... can ya tell

Cindy's picture
On May 21st, 2008 Cindy says:

Oh CAN a da.... can ya tell Im singing mmmm? Sugar I dont

care if you're from Mars youre nice and helpful. Besides whats

wrong with Canada lol? Did I miss something? It wouldnt be

the first time if I did.  =)~~

Don't hold it against me,

WyattsMom's picture
On May 21st, 2008 WyattsMom says:

Don't hold it against me, but I would love to BE Canadian for the long-term healthcare benefits :)  If you've seen the Michael Moore movie titled "Sicko" then you know what I'm talking about.

Okay, well, what about this option:  You go ahead and rent/buy a flat or house and then YOU advertise for sublet tenants, provided that it is allowed in the lease.  That way, you can have full control over who else lives there.  Perhaps you can cut one one the tenants a deal to keep an eye on your son in a non-obvious way, just to let you know if there is anything your son may need some reminders to do, like buy food and toiletries.

If you find a place that is very near public transportation, then you could hold off on the car with the excuse that the finances are tied up in the purchase/rent of the entire property. 

You do come up with some

Perseverence's picture
On May 21st, 2008 Perseverence says:

You do come up with some really great ideas!  Although his work is in a place of the city where he still needs a car to get there, nomatter where he lives, but I'm sure it'll all come together - not soon enough for him, but probably too soon for me (lol).

Autism therapies are not generally covered under Healthcare and availability varies from province to province as a result - richer provinces (generally known here as "have" provinces) are generally more generous in their coverage than the "have not" provinces.  Many parents here face the same financial challenges as parents of ASD kids in the States.  However, a lot of physical ailments are covered by Healthcare - if one can live through the waiting lists.

I did not hear about "Sicko" but I generally get a big kick out of the films that Michael Moore does.  I guess you could say I'm a fan.  I'll have to look for it on rental.  Cross-border laughter e-e-s good, eh?

Okay I have to ask......, is

Cindy's picture
On May 21st, 2008 Cindy says:

Okay I have to ask......, is your son interested in meeting

a woman? Marcel is such a little flirt. I tease our therapists

if he marries an older woman its because of them lol.

I know alot of these kids dont understand sexuality. My

son however discovered his built in toy along time ago.

He's not obsessed with it but well he is a boy and it is

right there & so easily accessible.

 

un-uh - won't go there :0)

Perseverence's picture
On May 22nd, 2008 Perseverence says:

un-uh - won't go there :0)

Ah gees. Please give me SOME

Cindy's picture
On May 22nd, 2008 Cindy says:

Ah gees. Please give me SOME hope that I may be a grandma.

ANYWAY Marcel said "yee haw" yesterday during speech and

for no apparent reason lol. Appropriate since we are in Tx.

 

Last summer Wyatt was very

WyattsMom's picture
On May 22nd, 2008 WyattsMom says:

Last summer Wyatt was very into bikini ladies.  He would walk up to them (usually blondes) and start sort of bobbing up and down and chanting, "ga ga ga ga, bay bay!"  And then he would put his head on the lady's stomach.   I don't know where he came up with this routine, because I certainly don't go around "Ga ga"ing and "Hey Baby"ing.    It was pretty embarrassing though, and I would tense up if I saw an attractive woman walk into the pool area because I knew Wyatt wouldn't be shy.  Fortunately, Wyatt has since learned to swim and the thrill of the pool surpasses the thrill of a bikini girl for him these days.

Okay ladies the reason Wyatt

Cindy's picture
On May 22nd, 2008 Cindy says:

Okay ladies the reason Wyatt said Ga ga bay bay lol is

because he cant (at least not yet) say "hey look at the

rack on that chick" lol. Our speech gal is shall we say

"gifted." Marcel took to her right away & by the way

Wyattsmom dont worry, I think most women understand

& they're flattered. My son can be soooooooo charming.

By the way do your kids pretend cry? My son will pretend

cry where it's obvious he's acting because he'll have this

look on his face like "Okay is this working?" No tears will

come out. He's a little stinker lol.

In this case, I'd almost lay

Perseverence's picture
On May 22nd, 2008 Perseverence says:

In this case, I'd almost lay money on that Wyatt was echoing some program he saw on TV or someone else he saw on the beach.  My son went through a protracted phase of echolalia after we entered into therapy and he first began to acquire language and scenes off the TV were commonly what he would re-enact.  It was surprising to watch how accurately he could mimic somethings - tone, mannerisms, expressions, etc.  He would also repeat exactly what we would say to him.  I don't know whether I'm right or not, but I sort of thought about it as though he was "trying on" language and behaviors to see what sort of reactions he would get - his way of trying to figure it all out.

OH MY GOD!!!  I would say

WyattsMom's picture
On May 22nd, 2008 WyattsMom says:

OH MY GOD!!!  I would say no, there's no way he could have seen anything like that on TV, because we don't watch anything but public television and 60 minutes, ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING ELSE but kiddie and train DVD's.  If we rent a movie, we watch it when Wyatt is asleep.  HOWEVER, I just thought of something this morning.... all of our respite sitters have been Mexican/Latina and they all watch their shows while they are here, as the Mexican broadcasts are available on our basic cable.  The Mexican shows are a lot more colorful, fun, and sexual--lots of girls in bikini's, tiny fringed skirts, overflowing tops, and flirty cowboy hats.  And the most significant point here is that the shows are of course, in SPANISH, and the spanish pronounciation of "baby" is "beh beh" or "bay bay" OH MY GOD!!!  You're right.  He must have gotten it from TV.  He hasn't been "beh beh"ing so much lately because our new respite sitter is an older lady who likes to watch football (soccer) and more serious programming.

Yeah, I found it quite

WyattsMom's picture
On May 21st, 2008 WyattsMom says:

Yeah, I found it quite hilarious in the movie ("Sicko") when Michael Moore met up with some of his elderly Canadian relatives at their local Sears.  They were planning a day trip to the U.S. so first they had to stop at Sears to buy 1-day health coverage before they would even set foot over here.  I thought that was so hilarious because we Americans are like that about car insurance before we will cross the border into Mexico.  We all stop at little car insurance shacks before we cross.

Wow, he's driving?  That's

WyattsMom's picture
On May 20th, 2008 WyattsMom says:

Wow, he's driving?  That's amazing!  Are you looking at used cars?  If you're looking at new ones, you could stall by waiting for inventory clearance sales in December.  Then he could be home for the holidays and your New Year's Resolution can be "letting go." 

Sometimes temporary "sublet" situations come up in the summer.  Maybe he can have a taste of "freedom" and then "boomerang" back home for a while because he misses you!

I can't imagine Wyatt ever being to the point where he wants to leave home and feels capable enough to do so.  But he's only 4 1/2. 

The car will have to be very

Perseverence's picture
On July 2nd, 2008 Perseverence says:

The car will have to be very used, but it will need to be VERY reliable.  My son is mechanically inclined - just not very "self-mechancially adept" at this point.  He has a very unique learning style in that he likes to tear things apart (under the premise of figuring out how they work) but rarely has the patience to actually figure out how they work AND put them back together again.  He abhors reading manuals and when he was younger, usually just spread his Leggo blocks across the floor.

I worry that if the car breaks down, we might find it "in pieces" in the driveway someday - and I'm not sure I'm up to the challenge of putting a car back together while my son supervises the work.  (Yes, he has proven on many occasions that in the process of tearing the thing apart he has indeed figured out how it should work and he likes to instruct as someone else puts the thing back together again.)

There were many days, weeks, years that went by before I could have ever imagined getting to this point - although I did keep it as a long-term goal (how I fought my own depression I think).  He is still "on the spectrum" - has specific routines and obsessions, avoids eye contact, has subtle stims when under stress, etc.  However, when he was nonverbal and scoring abyssmally on many of his assessments, and tantruming, things were so much work for so many years that I didn't notice how dependent I was becoming on having him around in my life.

Your sublet suggestion is a good one to consider and might be a way to give him a taste of freedom without breaking my heart and the bank - I wonder if I can get him to agree to come home after?